How to Handle Breakups in Sugar Relationships Without Drama

When your sugar relationship has come to a close, you might be wondering about the best way to break up with a sugar daddy or sugar baby. How can you let them down gently without drama? Is there a way to avoid hurt feelings? And what can you do to protect yourself from further conflict?

In this article, we’ll talk about respectful, healthy breakups in the sugaring community and how you can move on with grace.

First of all, don’t feel bad about ending a relationship

You might be sticking around in a sugar relationship because ending it feels ungrateful. Maybe, for instance, you feel guilty about hurting your sugar daddy’s feelings after everything they’ve done for you. Or, maybe you’re worried about whether your sugar baby will find their footing without your support and care.

While your intentions here are good, the fact is, it’s better to end a relationship than put your own needs and desires aside for another person. After all, this can lead to resentment, bitterness, and conflict later on.

So, your first step towards a respectful breakup is to realize that while it may be painful or uncomfortable now, it’s for the best for both of you in the long run.

If the situation feels unsafe, reach out for help

In the case that you’re breaking up because you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, your safety will be your number one priority. Here are a few steps that you should take in this kind of situation:

• Block all communication, immediately.
• Take screenshots of previous communication.
• Make your social media accounts private.
• Report their user account to your sugaring platform.
• Contact law enforcement if necessary.
• Tell trusted people in your life what’s going on.
• If you’re feeling unsafe at home, stay with a friend for a while.

It can be scary to think about needing to take these kinds of measures to protect yourself, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.

Now, let’s talk about how to proceed in the case that the relationship isn’t unsafe, but rather, has come to a roadblock or natural end.

Clarify your reasoning

One way that you can make the breakup easier is to get clear about why you’re ending things. That’s because the more you understand why you’re making this decision for yourself, the easier it will be to verbalize it to your partner. If you’re struggling with this step, ask yourself the following questions:

• What about this relationship isn’t meeting your expectations or needs?
• What are the red flags that are giving you the idea that you should leave?
• Is there something that your partner could be doing that would make you reconsider the relationship?
• How do you think that your personal growth or goals are being negatively affected by this relationship?

To be sure, you’ll want to be brutally honest with yourself when considering these questions. But that doesn’t mean that you need to share your raw answers with your partner. Instead, think about how you can find personal clarity and then package it in a way that is respectful (more on this later!)

Ask yourself if you’re open to renegotiation

You might find that when going through the clarification phase, you realize that you would be open to a renegotiation instead of a breakup. Maybe, for example, you’d be open to having fewer dates or a higher allowance. Or, perhaps there is a way that your sugar partner could change a behavior that you have a hard time with, such as showing up late or using their phone during dates.

If this is the case, be ready to talk to your sugar partner about what would need to change in order for you to stay in the relationship. You might say something like:

• “I value this connection, and I would be interested in continuing to see each other. But in order for me to be happy, I would need to see more effort on your part to show up to our dates on time.”
• “I enjoy my time with you, but I have to be honest that it bothers me when you spend a large portion of our dates on your phone. I would be willing to plan more dates in the future, but only if we’re able to agree to no phone time.”

You can see that it’s important to state clearly what is bothering you and give your sugar partner directions on how you want to be treated in the relationship. Saying things like, “I need you to try more” or “something’s got to change” is too vague for a partner to make any improvements.

Keep in mind, also, that the renegotiation will need to be backed by actual results in order to justify staying in the relationship instead of breaking up. You might set a trial period to see whether you’re able to identify the kinds of changes that you want to see.

If breaking up is the next step, decide how you’ll go about letting your sugar partner know

If you’ve decided that it is, in fact, time to say goodbye, your next step will be to decide how to communicate that. Here are a few dos and don’ts for having “the talk” with a sugar partner:

Don’t: Ghost

Ghosting, or breaking off all communication without warning, is only appropriate in the case that a sugar partner has made you feel unsafe. Otherwise, it’s the respectful and professional thing to do to let your partner know you’re ending the relationship.

Do: Consider the length and seriousness of the relationship

Now, how long have you been seeing a partner and how deep the connection was will help you determine whether to break up over direct message, phone call, video call, or in person.

If, for instance, you’ve only gone on one date or you had an agreement that things would remain casual, you can probably feel fine about ending things with a text.

But if you’ve been seeing this person for a long time and you’ve developed a sense of intimacy and care, the respectful thing to do is end it in person or at least over a phone call.

Do: Plan to do it in person if you’ve built intimacy

The reason why we say that it’s sometimes important to break up in person or over a phone or video call is that hearing someone’s voice and reading their body language makes a conversation more intimate. Let’s face it, breakups, even from sugar relationships, can be stressful and jarring, and having a conversation in person or at least being able to hear each other’s voices humanizes the process and helps to convey emotion. If you want to end things on the best terms possible, making sure to have this connection is key.

Don’t: Pretend like you’re planning a date as normal

Another way to avoid a partner feeling blindsided is to let them know you have something important to talk about. That way, they don’t feel so surprised when what they thought was a normal date turns out to be a break-up. Instead, let them know, “Look, I think there’s something we should talk about, and I want to do it in person. When are you free for a sit-down or phone call?”

Meet in a neutral, safe place

If you are going to be meeting in person, make sure to do so in a safe location. This means avoiding either of your homes, private offices, or other areas that aren’t public. Again, it may seem extreme to take this kind of safety precaution, but in the best-case scenario, it’s just a precaution. In the worst-case scenario, in which a partner reacts poorly, it could prevent the situation from escalating.

Let a loved one know where you are

Again, it may seem like another extra safety step, but it’s always a good idea to loop a loved one in. They might even be willing to hang out in a nearby location to pick you up afterwards, which can give you a good out when it’s time to go.

Highlight what you liked about the relationship

When sitting down for the breakup, make sure to start with the positive. Let your sugar partner know the ways that they contributed to your happiness and well-being, and what you learned from your time together. Remember that breakups can be a hard hit to the ego, so being able to tell your partner genuinely what you appreciate about them can soothe their hurt feelings.

Talk about what you’re not getting out of the relationship

During the clarification phase, you might have come up with a million reasons why this partner is not right for you. But be careful about putting all the blame on them for the breakup. In fact, this is a sure way to burn the bridge and end things on bad terms. So, consider how you can reframe the reasons why you’re leaving to be less accusatory.

For example, let’s say that it annoyed you that your sugar daddy wanted to talk to you constantly when you weren’t together. A hurtful way to convey that would be, “You were so overpowering and nosy, it was suffocating me.”

And a gentle way to say it would be, “I value my independence, and I get overwhelmed when I feel like someone wants to be in contact with me throughout the day. I think you might be happier with someone who has the same communication style as you do.”

Or, let’s say that your sugar daddy hasn’t been sending your allowance on time or has been giving you cheap gifts instead of what you asked for. Instead of saying something like, “You’re broke, and I want someone who can treat me better,” you might try an alternative, like, “I can see that you’re trying your best to hold up your end of the agreement, but there’s a disconnect between what we agreed to and what I’m receiving in this relationship. And, while I enjoy our time together, I don’t think this dynamic is serving either one of us.”

You can see how by making small adjustments to how you deliver the message, your now ex-sugar partner may have a drastically different kind of response.

Don’t try to negate your partner’s feelings

One common mistake that many people make in break-ups is trying to downplay or deny their partner’s feelings. Remember that negative feelings are normal, especially when there was a level of emotional intimacy, excitement, care, or even routine.

Here are a few phrases that you’ll want to avoid during the breakup:

• You’ll get over this in no time.
• We weren’t even that serious.
• Don’t cry/don’t get upset.
• You’re going to find someone else.
• Think of all the good times we had.
• Focus on the positive.
• You’ve been through worse things.

While some of these statements may have some truth to them, they’re simply not helpful when someone is experiencing emotional pain. So, instead, try something like:

• I know this is disappointing/hard/difficult.
• I know you’re going to get through this.
• I’m sorry we couldn’t make it work.
• Is there anything you want to say?
• I hear you.

Be aware of becoming an emotional sponge

Although you may feel compelled to give your sugar partner some time to say their piece and process the breakup, this doesn’t mean that you need to become a dartboard for their anger and feelings of rejection. In other words, if their response is to suddenly become defensive and start putting you down, don’t feel that you need to sit there and take it.

Instead, you can say something like, “I understand that you’re hurting right now, and I’m pained to see it. But I won’t allow myself to be spoken to this way, so I’m going to see myself out.”

Be okay with not having all the answers

A common thing to happen during a break-up is that the person being broken up with can become desperate for answers. And unfortunately, the true answers that are right in front of them may not satisfy them. This can lead to them asking the same questions over and over, hoping for a different answer, or asking you to clarify things that you’ve already made clear.

It can look like a sugar partner saying something like, “I just can’t believe that you would leave for something this trivial. There must be something else going on.” Or, they might say, “Just tell me what I did wrong,” after you’ve already told them why you’re leaving.

This is a difficult position to be in, but try to remember that your only responsibility is to say what is true for you. You don’t have to bend over backwards to make them receive a message that they’re not ready to hear. So, if you notice this kind of behavior, consider ending the conversation so that they can process what happened on their own.

Don’t feel pressured to stick around

Maybe your sugar partner didn’t become defensive or mean during the break-up, but you still feel obligated to be with them while they’re upset. This is a kind gesture, and you can do so as much as you feel comfortable. But if you’re not leaving because you’re feeling guilty, you could just be drawing out the process and neglecting your own needs.

Instead, consider asking them:

• Who can you call right now to help support you in this moment?
• Is there anything else you’d like to say before I go?

This is a good way to make it clear that you will be leaving and won’t be acting as a support system for them moving forward. While it may feel harsh in the moment, it is important to set this boundary so that you can both move on.

Be clear about contact moving forward

Speaking about moving on, you’ll also want to establish a system for communication. This can go a number of different ways based on how you’re feeling:

• No contact. This would be the option of cutting off all communication. It can be the most appropriate for breakups that involve a deep level of emotional connection.
• Occasional check-in. Maybe you can agree to check in with one another from time to time, be it every couple of weeks or months, to see how you’re doing. This might also be helpful if you have recommendations for a friend who is looking for a new sugar partner and you think they’d be a good match. This may only be appropriate if you ended on good terms and had a fairly casual relationship.
• Transition to friendship. You might have realized that the two of you enjoy each other’s company, but, for whatever reason, have decided to take the sugar out of your connection. As long as you can be sure that you can interact without jealousy, longing, or resentment, this can be a good option post-breakup!
• No contact or minimal contact, and then an eventual check-in. In some cases, you might have agreed that you need time away from each other, but you may not be ready to end things for good. This might look like one to two months of no contact while you see other people or focus on your own projects and life. And then, you might reach out to see if you’d like to start things up again.

As you can see, there are many ways to think about communication after a breakup with a sugar partner. The important thing is that both of you are clear about what the boundaries are.

How to break up with a sugar daddy or sugar baby who keeps coming back

It’s not uncommon that you might have a respectful, clear breakup with a partner and talk about communication boundaries, only for this person to keep coming back into your life. Maybe they call you when they’ve been drinking. Maybe they make it a point to get coffee at your favorite coffee shop on the off-chance they’ll run into you.

No matter what their reasoning or excuse, this is inappropriate behavior. You should let them know that you don’t feel comfortable with them ignoring the boundaries of the break-up. If they continue to do so, you might need to take more serious measures, such as blocking their contact information or reporting them to the sugar dating platform.

You might already know how to break up with a sugar daddy or sugar baby

While it can be helpful to learn about psychology-backed tactics for softening the blow of a break-up, the truth is, breaking up isn’t an exact science. Lean on your intuition and what you know of your sugar partner to consider the best way to move forward. And, make sure that you’re prioritizing your own safety and well-being!

We hope that after reading this article and going through some self-reflection, you feel more confident about how to break up with a sugar daddy or sugar baby.