What Does Phubbing Mean?

Phubbing combines the words "phone" and "snubbing" to describe the act of ignoring someone in your presence while you look at your smartphone instead. This behavior happens when a person checks their phone, scrolls through social media, reads messages, or engages with their device rather than paying attention to the person they're physically with. The term emerged in 2012 during a campaign by an Australian advertising agency working with Macquarie Dictionary to create a word for this specific behavior.

How Phubbing Affects Romantic Relationships

When one partner regularly looks at their phone instead of engaging with the other person, it creates specific problems in the relationship. Research from Baylor University surveyed 308 adults and found that 46.3% of respondents reported being phubbed by their partner, while 22.6% said this behavior caused conflict in their relationship. The same study showed that people who experienced phubbing from their partners reported lower relationship satisfaction scores.

Partners who get phubbed often feel less important than whatever is happening on the phone. This behavior sends a message that notifications, social media updates, or text messages take priority over face-to-face interaction. The person being ignored may start to question their value in the relationship or feel that their partner finds them boring or uninteresting.

The psychological impact extends beyond hurt feelings. A study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that phubbing correlates with increased feelings of exclusion and threatens four fundamental needs: belonging, self-esteem, meaningful existence, and control. These effects occur even in brief interactions and can accumulate over time in ongoing relationships.

Common Phubbing Behaviors in Dating Situations

During dates, phubbing takes several forms. Some people place their phone face-up on the table and glance at it every time it lights up. Others hold their phone while talking, splitting their attention between the screen and their date. More obvious forms include answering non-emergency calls during meals, texting while the other person speaks, or scrolling through social media during what should be couple time.

First dates see particular patterns of phone use that qualify as phubbing. Checking dating apps while on a date represents one of the more insulting forms, as it suggests the person is already looking for other options. Taking photos of food before eating might seem harmless, but spending several minutes getting the perfect shot and then immediately posting it can make the other person feel like a prop rather than a companion.

Some people use their phones as shields when conversation becomes awkward or uncomfortable. Instead of working through the momentary silence or addressing the discomfort directly, they retreat into their device. This prevents the development of deeper connection and communication skills that relationships require.

Why People Phub Their Partners

Smartphone addiction plays a central role in phubbing behavior. Research indicates that people check their phones an average of 96 times per day, roughly once every 10 minutes during waking hours. This compulsive checking becomes automatic, happening without conscious thought or intention. The brain's reward system responds to notifications and new content, creating a cycle that makes it hard to resist looking at the phone.

Fear of missing out drives many people to constantly monitor their devices. Social media platforms design their interfaces to maximize engagement and create anxiety about staying connected. When someone sees others posting about events or experiences, they feel compelled to stay updated, even when it means ignoring the person right in front of them.

Poor impulse control contributes to phubbing patterns. A University of Georgia study found that people with lower self-control showed higher rates of phubbing behavior. The immediate gratification from checking a notification often wins over the longer-term benefit of maintaining attention on a conversation or shared activity.

Preventing Phubbing in Your Relationship

Creating phone-free zones or times helps reduce phubbing opportunities. Many couples establish rules like no phones during meals, keeping devices out of the bedroom, or designating specific hours for checking messages. These boundaries work best when both partners agree to them and hold each other accountable.

Physical placement of phones makes a difference. Keeping phones in pockets, bags, or another room removes the visual trigger and makes phubbing require more deliberate action. Research shows that even having a phone visible on a table reduces the quality of conversation between people, as part of their attention remains drawn to the device.

Communication about phone use expectations helps partners understand each other's needs. Some people genuinely don't realize how often they look at their phones or how it affects their partner. Having a calm discussion about specific behaviors and their impact can lead to increased awareness and behavior change. Partners can agree on signals to use when phubbing occurs, making it easier to address in the moment without creating conflict.

Setting up "do not disturb" modes or removing particularly distracting apps during couple time reduces temptation. When notifications don't appear, the urge to check the phone decreases. Some couples use apps that track and limit phone usage, creating accountability for their goals around device use.