What Does Soft Swinging Mean?

Soft swinging occurs when couples in committed relationships engage in sexual activities with other people while avoiding penetrative sex. Partners may kiss, touch, or perform oral sex with others, but vaginal and anal intercourse remain off limits. The practice requires explicit consent from all parties involved and operates within predetermined boundaries that couples establish before any encounters.

Core Definition and Boundaries

The term "soft" refers specifically to the absence of penetrative sex. According to Carolanne Marcantonio, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, soft swinging allows "kissing and oral or digital sex" while "vaginal or anal sex is off the table." This distinction separates soft swinging from full swap scenarios where couples engage in penetrative sex with other partners.

Different couples interpret soft swinging in various ways. Some limit activities to kissing and touching. Others include oral sex. A few couples define soft swinging as having sex with their own partner while other couples are present in the same room, without any partner exchange. Each couple determines its specific boundaries before participating.

Gloria Brame, a certified sexologist, emphasizes that soft swinging differs from cheating because partners negotiate boundaries beforehand. All participants know and agree to the rules. This framework of consent forms the foundation of the practice.

What Activities Are Included

Soft swinging typically includes:

• Kissing with other partners
• Manual stimulation
• Oral sex
• Watching other couples
• Being watched by other couples
• Group activities that exclude penetration

The specific activities depend on what each couple agrees upon. Some couples allow everything except penetrative sex. Others restrict activities to kissing only. Many couples require both partners to remain in the same room during any activities.

What Activities Are Excluded

Standard exclusions in soft swinging include:

• Vaginal intercourse with other partners
• Anal intercourse with other partners
• Any activities that occur without both partners present
• Actions that violate predetermined agreements

These boundaries remain fixed during encounters. Partners cannot change rules in the moment, even if they feel comfortable doing so. Hims Health's medical review emphasizes maintaining "ongoing consent throughout the event" while never breaking "any agreements made beforehand."

Communication Requirements

Successful soft swinging depends on detailed communication before, during, and after encounters. Couples must discuss:

• Specific acts they will and won't perform
• Who they're comfortable engaging with
• Where activities can occur
• How to signal discomfort or stop activities
• What happens if someone breaks a rule

Marcantonio recommends couples "discuss what happened" if boundaries get crossed. Was it miscommunication or an intentional breach? Partners may need to pause soft swinging activities to rebuild trust and communication skills before resuming.

Consent Frameworks

Consent in soft swinging operates on multiple levels. First, both partners in a couple must agree to participate. Second, all parties involved in an encounter must consent to specific activities. Third, consent must continue throughout any interaction.

Couples often establish safe words or signals to communicate during encounters. Anyone can stop activities at any time. The practice requires checking in with partners regularly, both during and after experiences.

Differences From Related Practices

Soft swinging differs from several related practices:

Full Swap: Includes penetrative sex with other partners. Couples engaging in full swap may still set boundaries, such as no kissing or no anal sex, but penetration is permitted.

Polyamory: Involves multiple romantic relationships. Soft swinging focuses on sexual activities without romantic attachment.

Open Relationships: Partners can pursue separate sexual or romantic connections. Soft swinging typically requires both partners to be present and participating together.

Cuckolding: One partner watches while the other engages sexually with someone else. Soft swinging involves both partners actively participating.

Setting and Enforcing Boundaries

Clear boundaries prevent misunderstandings and protect relationships. Common boundary examples include:

• Both partners must remain in the same room.
• No private communication with other couples outside planned encounters.
• Specific people who are off limits.
• Time limits on activities.
• Frequency of participation.

The Taylor Frankie Paul case illustrates what happens when boundaries are broken. The rule required both partners to be present during activities. When someone went "behind closed doors without each other," they violated the agreement, leading to relationship consequences.

Health and Safety Considerations

Soft swinging still carries risks for sexually transmitted infections. Oral sex and genital contact can transmit various STIs. Standard medical recommendations for people with multiple partners apply:

• Regular STI testing.
• Barrier methods for oral and genital contact.
• Discussing testing and health status with potential partners.
• Limiting the number of partners.

Testing frequency depends on activity levels and risk factors. Consult healthcare providers for personalized recommendations based on specific practices and partner numbers.

LGBTQ+ Participation

Soft swinging occurs across all sexual orientations and gender identities. Pride.com reports that LGBTQ+ communities participate in non monogamous relationship models at higher rates than heterosexual couples. A 2018 study found that 32% of gay men, 5% of lesbian women, 22% of bisexual people, and 2% of heterosexual people reported open relationships.

Queer couples may define boundaries differently based on their specific relationships and community norms. The practice adapts to various relationship configurations beyond traditional male-female couples.

Cultural Context and Misconceptions

Media coverage of soft swinging increased following reports about certain Mormon communities. However, Chelom Leavitt, a sex researcher at Brigham Young University, states the practice "is not as common among Latter-day Saints" as the media suggests. Small subcultures exploring boundary-pushing activities exist "in every population, not just within the Mormon community."

The term gained attention through reality television and social media discussions. This visibility created misconceptions about prevalence and normalcy within specific religious or cultural groups.

Terminology Variations

Different communities use varying terms:

• Soft swap: Synonymous with soft swinging.
• Soft play: Another term for non-penetrative partner exchange.
• Same room sex: When couples have sex with their own partners while others watch.
• Parallel play: Sexual activity happening simultaneously without partner exchange.

Terms may carry different meanings in different communities. Always clarify definitions when discussing boundaries with potential partners.

Managing Relationship Impact

Dr. Tammy Nelson notes that some people "feel freedom and support for their sexuality from a partner who encourages them to express themselves." However, soft swinging can strain relationships if communication falters or boundaries blur.

Warning signs include:

• One partner pushes for activities, the other resists.
• Boundaries changing without discussion.
• Private contact with other couples.
• Jealousy or resentment building.
• Communication breakdown after encounters.

Couples should regularly assess how soft swinging affects their relationship. Taking breaks or stopping entirely remains an option if problems arise.

Practical Considerations

Before engaging in soft swinging, couples should address:

• Where to meet other interested couples.
• How to verify STI testing and health status.
• What to do if someone wants to stop mid-encounter.
• How to handle social situations with swinging partners outside sexual contexts.
• Privacy and discretion preferences.

Many couples start slowly, perhaps just watching others or being watched, before progressing to more involved activities. This gradual approach allows partners to gauge comfort levels and refine boundaries based on actual experiences rather than hypothetical scenarios.