Gifts Done Right: Thoughtful, Discreet, and On-Budget

I’ve been a sugar daddy for about a decade. So, you can imagine that I’ve given a lot of gifts. You might even say that I’ve become something of a gift-giving pro. I mean, I’ve just about perfected the art of giving a gift that is sure to be something she never expected, has never received before, and just might never receive from any other sugar daddy. Yeah, I’m that good.

I can feel you rolling your eyes. And I’ll admit, I’m a little bit arrogant about this. But it’s only because I spent the first year of my sugar dating life as a terrible gift-giver. More often than not, I would show up to a first date empty-handed or with some sad gas station bouquet of flowers that would wilt before the end of the meal. I missed birthdays and anniversaries. When I did manage to remember a special occasion that required a gift, I gave thoughtless cards filled with cash like some clueless uncle (okay, okay, don’t be so hard on yourself if you’ve been guilty of the same thing, there’s no guidebook on how to be a good sugar daddy!) Once, I even severely overcorrected and got my sugar baby an extremely personal gift of a painted portrait of her whole family, and whoo boy, that didn’t go over well.

Luckily, I met Sol, and she taught me a thing or two about how to give a good gift. I mean, first of all, when she saw that I showed up to our first date without one, she fully called me out with the biting phrase that would be seared into my mind, “Hmm, from your profile, you looked like the kind of guy that would show up with a gift. I guess not.” Ouch.

I could have gotten angry, but I’m the kind of person who is always trying to better myself. So, instead, I asked if she would teach me what kinds of gifts sugar babies are looking for. And over the next few months that we dated, she turned out to be a treasure trove of knowledge on the subject. Here are a few key takeaways that I learned from her:

Start with something small but high-quality

Even if you’ve been chatting with a potential sugar baby for a while, you don’t really know what they’re going to like. So you might think, “Well, then I don’t really have to get something for them. I’ll get something for the second date.”

Don’t! It’s better to get something a little bit more generic than show up empty-handed. Trust me. Some things that I’ve found go over well, no matter the sugar baby, include:

• A high-quality bouquet of flowers. Not roses, as those are overdone and overly romantic, but something equally striking like sunflowers or peonies.
• A nice bag of coffee or box of chocolates. You can easily find out in your getting-to-know-you chats whether your date drinks coffee or has a sweet tooth.
• A quality candle. Make sure that you smell the candles beforehand! There are lots of generic candles out there that smell terrible, and you don’t want to be associated with bad smells.

Now, something to remember here is that there’s a fine line between thoughtful and kind of creepy. In other words, don’t scroll through their social media, taking notes on what you think might be a good gift. This can go over like a lead balloon.

Ask questions about what your sugar baby likes

After the first date, that’s when you can really become the gift-giver that will make your partner feel appreciated. Personally, I ask questions like:

• So, what’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten?
• What’s something you rarely buy for yourself but love getting as a gift?
• What is your love language?
• What are your hobbies?
• Do you have pets?
• What’s your favorite snack or vice?

These questions are good for two reasons. On the one hand, they’re just good conversation starters. You’re trying to get to know each other after all, and each question is going to give you insight into what kind of person you’re dating.

And of course, on the other hand, you can use their responses to help you become a better gift-giver. Now, you might be tempted to turn this fact-finding mission into something secretive, but don’t stress too much about that. It’s okay if your sugar baby understands that you’re asking pointed questions to figure out what kind of gift to give them. In fact, your interest and enthusiasm will probably impress them.

Don’t make a big deal about the gift

Oof, how many times have you seen a guy make a big show of giving a gift in public so that he can “score points” and make himself feel like a big, strong, powerful man? Don’t be that guy. As the kids say these days, it’s cringe.

Instead, here’s the right way to give a gift:

• Give it before you arrive at the restaurant
• If you’re meeting at the restaurant, give the gift right away. Well, maybe not right away, but certainly within the first 15 minutes.
• Give your sugar baby the option of opening it there or at home
• Don’t expect a certain reaction. Remember that sometimes it takes time for a gift to sink in. Or, some people may not know how to respond to getting a gift, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate it. I’ve often gotten messages after the date letting me know how much they loved it.
• By no means should you say how much you spent on the gift or the effort that went into the gift
• Overall: humility, humility, humility.

Remember that gifts don’t have to be objects

Some of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve given haven’t been physical objects at all. Once, I had a very famous fashion designer friend of mine give my fashion-loving sugar baby a private tour of his studio. Another time, I surprised my sugar baby with an all-day spa retreat outside of the city.

There are lots of sugar babies who may live in small apartments or just not really be into collecting things, so non-physical gifts are the way to go.

Never give the same gift twice

It’s boring. It’s thoughtless. It’s something that your sugar baby is definitely going to clock. So, just don’t do it.

Sure, getting yourself into the habit of giving unique gifts all the time takes effort. It takes creativity and brain power. So what? The more you do it, the easier it will be. For me, I always keep a notes app to write down ideas or things that a sugar baby has told me that I think might help me buy her the next gift. Once you get into the habit, it’s really not that hard.

Have a separate budget for gifts

One thing that I’ve heard sugar babies complain about is a partner who showers them with luxurious gifts early on in the relationship, only to cut back or stop giving gifts entirely over time. And I think this generally has to do with poor budgeting. Lots of sugar daddies think that they have to make a good first impression by getting their partner a $2000 bag within the first three months. Again, this is more of an ego purchase than a genuine gift. And, it doesn’t last.

If you really want to impress a sugar baby and make them stick around long-term, make gift-giving a sustainable part of your relationship. And yes, this means budgeting for it. Like, before you go into the negotiation process. Just have it in your mind that part of your budget is going to have to go to allowance, and another part is going to have to go to gifts. This is the only way that you’re going to be able to keep giving gifts over time.

Finally (and this one is from me, not from Sol), learn to like gift-giving

Gift-giving isn’t something you have to do. In fact, if you hate gift-giving, you could disregard everything that I’ve said until now and just forget giving gifts altogether. Because if you think of gift-giving as a chore, it’s almost worse than not giving gifts at all.

But, when you learn how to like giving gifts, when you get that satisfaction that comes from genuinely delighting your sugar baby, if it gives you a thrill to see something out in the wild that you think your sugar baby will love, then it’s like a high that you just want to keep chasing. And that’s what makes it really special.

And it’s that spark that your sugar baby will remember and not want to give up.