Experiences Over Everything: Prioritizing Shared Adventures and Memories in a Sugar Relationship

I’ve had plenty of sugar daddies who only wanted to give me expensive gifts to show their appreciation. And I’m not necessarily against that. I mean, I’m not one to say no to a Birkin.

But I found that the guys who were more interested in showering me with extravagant presents and dressing me in luxury brands were, well, kind of shallow. Surely, this isn’t groundbreaking information. And I know plenty of sugar babies who are totally fine with this. They’d actually rather spend time with a daddy who gives gifts and keeps the emotional stuff out of it.

Personally, though, I guess I’ve never been able to have anything completely casual or no strings attached. Not in my romantic relationships and not in my sugar relationships either. In fact, it’s something that I thought would get in the way of being a good sugar baby at first. Like, surely, I’d have to grow a thick skin if I wanted to stay in this game and not get completely taken advantage of.

But I’ve been doing this for going on five years now, and I’ve learned a lot about the benefits of prioritizing experiences over material gifts. And, because I want other sugar babies to learn from my early mistakes, here are a few things I wish I could tell my younger self about creating relationships that go beyond the designer bags:

Experiences are often more expensive than material gifts

Part of the reason why so many sugar babies prefer physical gifts over experiences is that they have the idea that items with a single price tag are more expensive (and thus, in their minds, more valuable). In other words, they think that a sugar daddy is taking the easy way out by taking their partner on a vacation instead of buying them a car or something.

But, in reality, if you crunch the numbers, experiences are often way more of a financial commitment for a sugar daddy. Think about it. If your sugar daddy is taking you to the Bahamas, he’s going to have to cover the Uber to the airport, the flight, drinks at the airport, food, and every activity that you might want to do while you’re there. We’re talking thousands of dollars. Sure, he’s enjoying it too, but don’t get the idea that this is less of a flex of his buying power than giving you a nice piece of jewelry.

How much thought a sugar daddy puts into an experience shows how much he cares

Putting the financials aside, there also tends to be more effort put into planning an experience than giving a gift. He’s got to go through the hurdles of planning activities that he thinks you’ll like. He’s got to think about the logistics and take into account your particular needs and requests. And, sure, once you’re on the date or trip or whatever, it’s not all on him to baby you. But if he’s gone through the effort to take you on an adventure, he’s going to make sure that you’re actually enjoying yourself.

Overall, it’s a big emotional and logistical effort that he’s taking on, which shows how much he cares about you.

Make sure that your sugar daddy knows that you want adventures

In general, I’ve learned the hard way that being direct is always the better course of action. If your sugar daddy doesn’t know that you want experiences instead of gifts, he’s probably going to just give you gifts, because that’s the norm in the sugaring community.

Usually, when I tell a sugar daddy that I prefer adventures, I try to be as specific as possible, telling him my bucket list of places I want to see and activities that I want to try. And, I don’t just stop at the first negotiation. If I see a new movie in theaters or a restaurant opening, or a cool gallery event, I send him the details. I’ve even sent my sugar daddy travel packages that I think look exciting.

You can accept both adventures and physical gifts

Even if you want to prioritize experiences over other types of gifts, that doesn’t mean that you have to reject material gifts altogether. Most sugar daddies I’ve met like the gift-giving part of the relationship, and I learned after a while that it’s better to accept that that’s their way of showing affection. In other words, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. You can tell your sugar daddy that you want experiences and still feel grateful when he gives you something nice.

You don’t have to say yes to all kinds of adventures

One thing that I learned pretty early on is that some sugar daddies hear you say, “I’m an adventurous person,” and they get a whole idea in their head about what that means. They might take it to mean that you’re adventurous in the bedroom or want to try an open relationship or another other thing that is exciting for them. Or, even non-sexually, I had a sugar daddy take me on a surprise sky-diving date because I told him I was looking for exciting experiences. And, because I wasn’t specific about what I find fun, I was up in a tiny airplane strapped to a stranger before I could back out. I mean, it ended up being really cool, but I would never in a million years have said that that was my idea of adventure.

What I’m saying is, make sure that you stand up for yourself and say no if your sugar daddy suggests something “adventurous” that you don’t want to do.

Don’t be afraid of creating a deeper connection

Now, here’s the Number One biggest thing that I would tell you about why it’s good to prioritize experiences over material gifts: it will give you a deeper emotional connection. And before you run off on me, just wait.

Having a deeper emotional bond with your sugar daddy isn’t a bad thing. It can be great. It can make your relationship more stable and predictable. And it can save you from that uncomfortable feeling that your relationship is purely transactional. For me, anyway, it helped me get over that “first date” feeling that I was experiencing months into dating a sugar daddy. Like with many of my early partners, because we had lacked an emotional bond, we were never able to move past the beginning awkwardness and coldness. But as soon as I started prioritizing travel and adventures and shared activities, that all changed.

This required me, of course, to let go of the fear that I had of allowing emotion into my sugar relationships. I realized that actually getting to know and liking my sugar daddy didn’t make me weak or naive or anything like that. In fact, it’s quite brave to let someone plan a trip for you. It’s brave to take surfing lessons with someone you don’t know that well, even though it makes you look and feel like a total fool. It’s brave to agree to share a tiny little cabin on a yacht with someone when you want to make a good impression on them, and you know that they’re going to see you with your makeup.

And the reward is that then you feel totally comfortable around them very early on in your relationship. That comfort honestly makes other parts of the relationship so much easier. You won’t be worried about asking for changes in your agreement or having to reschedule your plans (within reason, of course.) You definitely won’t feel hesitant to talk about your likes and dislikes around things like intimacy because you’ll already have an idea of how they’ll react and what kind of person they are.

Here’s an example. My sugar daddy and I were four days into a seven-day trip to Mexico when I got terrible food poisoning. I’m talking the ugly kind where you don’t want to be around anyone, let alone someone you’re trying to impress. But, by that point, we had already gone through a bunch of experiences that had brought us together, like his boxers being ripped off by a huge wave or how I accidentally told a waiter that I was pregnant when I wanted to tell him I was embarrassed (who knew the words for pregnant and embarrassed could be so close in Spanish) so he ended up bringing us a free dessert. So, food poisoning just felt like another thing to bring us closer together, honestly. He took care of me, and I felt comfortable telling him to give me some space when I was feeling really bad. It all worked out, and we left with a deeper appreciation for one another.

I’m not telling you that you have to prioritize experiences in your sugar relationship over the gifts that you’ve had your eye on. But I’m just saying that they can make your sugaring practice more enjoyable and memorable. So, don’t underestimate the adventures!