The Priceless Wisdom of My Sugar Daddy: Lessons Learned Beyond the Allowance

The first thing that people always ask me when they find out that I am a sugar baby is: What is the best gift you ever got from a sugar daddy? And I do love this question, because I get to talk about walking across the stage at my college graduation with my Louboutins. There’s just such a great wow factor to that story, and I love being able to talk about being a college graduate (with honors!)

But, when I’m being more self-reflective, I know that the real gifts weren’t physical objects. And they weren’t bank transfers, either. They were life lessons that I picked up from the different sugar daddies I had over the years. And, I can’t (and won’t) share my Louboutins with you. But I can share these pieces of wisdom, so here we go:

Get a financial advisor when you’re young

So many of us think that financial advisors are for people with real, adult money. But one of the best things my sugar daddy recommended I do is start working with someone as a young person in my 20s.

I mean, hello. They do not teach financial literacy in school (at least they didn’t in my school), so it was really eye-opening to sit down with a professional and start making goals.

Less really is more

This is something that I learned the hard way when I went to my sugar daddy’s social club for the first time. I showed up thinking that I was looking amazing, with full glam makeup and my best dress and diamond earrings. Impossibly high heels. I felt like all eyes were on me.

Then, I saw this younger guy come in wearing a shiny new suit and a floral print shirt underneath, super expensive sunglasses, and watch, and tennis shoes. My sugar daddy leaned over to whisper that this was one of the newer members of the club, and he was having a hard time getting along with the community. Apparently, his flashy new money style came across as trying too hard. I don’t think that he said it to make me feel bad—because I was essentially doing the same thing—but the point was taken, for sure.

The next time I went to the club, I wore something much more subdued but high quality, and natural-looking makeup. I felt much more at ease and accepted when I opted for the less-is-more attitude.

Most people are just trying their best

I think that when I first got into sugaring, I expected all of the men to be arrogant know-it-alls with specific demands and expectations. But the more time I spent with them, I realized that they were mostly just regular people with the desire to be seen and accepted. And they were all, mostly, just doing their best with good intentions.

This really changed my perspective when I felt like a sugar daddy wasn’t showing up for me in the way that I wanted him to. I changed my perspective from “he thinks he’s better than me” to “he’s just trying his best, and that will be easier if I talk to him about what I need and want.” I would even start conversations like, “I know that you’re trying your best, and I want to make being my sugar daddy as easy as possible for you. So I need you to know that I’m looking for XYZ.”

And then, of course, if they still weren’t meeting my needs, well then, I could drop them. After all, I said, “most people.” There are, for sure, sugar daddies out there who are entirely uninterested in doing their best.

Negotiation isn’t rudeness

I grew up thinking that negotiating for more was rude and arrogant. Literally, my parents were of the mindset that children should be grateful for the bare minimum, and anything more was being spoiled.

So, when I started sugaring, it was a real problem for me. I would say yes to terms that I wasn’t actually comfortable with because I thought if I proved myself, then my sugar daddy would magically start rewarding me for my good behavior.

And then, inevitably, I would crash out and my sugar daddy would get weird and end things with me, and I would be right back online, looking for the next one.

Thankfully, I had one sugar daddy who understood what was going on. We were in the bathroom at his colleague’s wedding, and I was crying because I felt underdressed, because everyone at this party was rich, and I had wanted my sugar daddy to offer to take me shopping before the wedding so that this wouldn’t happen. But, of course, I had never told him that.

And instead of fighting with me, he said, “You know, this could have been avoided if you had just asked me before. I would have been happy to give you money for a new dress.”

I said, “I felt like it would have been rude to ask you because you’ve been stressed, and this was supposed to be a night for you to relax and have fun.”

And he said, with all the gentleness in the world, “You know what’s more stressful? Missing out on the wedding because we’re in here talking about why you feel uncomfortable asking me for things. In the future, please just ask. I will never think you’re being rude.”

Not everyone is for everyone, and that’s okay

So this one came about in kind of a weird way, in that my sugar daddy once picked me up for a date right after a guy I had been seeing romantically came over to my house to dump me. I know, it was a weird situation, and sometimes life is just messy like that.

But anyway, I didn’t want to cancel the date with my sugar daddy, so I put on my best game face and gave myself a little pep talk in the mirror. I really thought I had myself together. And, as soon as I got in the car and my sugar daddy asked me, “What’s wrong?” I, of course, broke down crying.

I was mortified because I always try to keep a little bit of emotional distance from my sugar daddies. But he was so amazing and gave me the space to talk it through. The guy who dumped me said that we weren’t compatible and he didn’t see a future with me, which I had taken to mean that I was obviously the problem and would never find someone to love me. I know, dramatic. And my sugar daddy kind of laughed at that and said, “Everyone is not for everyone, and that’s okay. Now you can spend time looking for someone who is for you.”

And I’ve taken that to heart, not only in my romantic dating life, but also with work colleagues and new people that I meet. And even sugar daddies. It’s a solid piece of advice.

It’s better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for who you’re not

This last one is something that I feel like I’m still learning and might take a long time to actually live it or embody it. And it came about during a second date with a sugar daddy that I was really into. Like, I wanted this man to be in my life at all costs. And because we hadn’t formalized anything, I was doing my very best to make him as interested in me as I was in him.

Maybe you can see the disaster ahead. But he asked me whether I would like to go horseback riding sometime. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I told this man that I used to go horseback riding with my family every summer and that I loved horses. I think maybe I blacked out, because I do not even know what I was talking about. I am scared of horses. I don’t even feel comfortable around smaller animals.

Obviously, my lie was going to come back and bite me (much as I feared a horse would if I ever had to get too close to one in person). Because the minute we set foot on the ranch, I broke down in a panic attack and confessed to my lie. And my sugar daddy was polite about it, but obviously annoyed, and offered to take me home. When we pulled up to my house, he told me, “This would have worked out if you had been honest with me. I liked you, I liked the person you are. But I don’t see myself seeing you again after knowing that you’d be dishonest just to get me to ask you out again. I’m sorry.”

And that was that. So, it didn’t resolve my fear of horses, but it did teach me a valuable lesson about being true to myself.

Key takeaways that I’ve learned from my sugar daddies

Reflecting on these life lessons has shown me two things. One, I cry a lot. Which is fine, if a little bit embarrassing to do in front of sugar daddies. And two, sugaring really has changed the way that I see myself and communicate my needs. I think, overall, it’s made me a better person, and I’m grateful for the sugar daddies who have been generous enough to give me more than luxury brand bags and beautiful shoes.