Navigating the Minefield: Introducing My Sugar Daddy to His Grown Children

Sometimes family drama just needs a little bit of airing out. Let’s take a look at one family’s awkward backyard BBQ from various angles and see how they learned to iron out the wrinkles.

Mario, dad, 60

Looking back, I can think of a couple of mistakes that I made regarding this whole BBQ fiasco. First, I didn’t tell my kids that I would be bringing my new girlfriend, Carie, to the party. I just kind of figured that they would be okay, or at least take the news politely while we were all together. And then, if they had questions afterwards, they could talk to me directly.

I also probably could have prepared Carie a little bit better. She knew that I had kids, but she didn’t know that she was so close in age to them. As a matter of fact, she’s right in the middle of their ages: my son, Tyler, is 28, Carie is 29, and Samantha, my daughter, is 31.

To be honest, I thought maybe they would find it odd initially. But eventually, they would all get along, given that they had so much in common.

Well, unfortunately, that’s not what happened. That first meeting was much more blown out of proportion than it needed to be. Basically, Samantha and Tyler met me at the door, looking confused at my guest. When I told them that Carie and I had been seeing each other for a while, their jaws dropped. It was all very overly dramatic. And then they asked if they could talk to me privately.

Before I knew it, Carie had locked herself in the bathroom (who could blame her), and Samantha and Tyler had me cornered in the kitchen, accusing me of all kinds of things. Saying that I was selfish and inconsiderate. That I was making this day about myself instead of trying to rebuild relationships (that’s part of a much longer story, but basically, we had planned these monthly BBQs after a few years of estrangement between the three of us). That I was mentally unsound for bringing a sugar baby to the family gathering, where my grandchildren would be asking questions. Tyler has a two-year-old, and Samantha has a newborn, so they’re hardly at an age to be asking questions about my girlfriend.

I hadn’t even been offered a drink yet, and this was the reception I got. I was over it. I grabbed my keys, knocked (maybe a little bit too loudly) on the bathroom door, and told Carie we were leaving.

Carie, sugar baby, 29

As Mario said, I did go to the bathroom when we first got to Samantha’s house, but I wouldn’t say that I locked myself in there. I just needed a moment to recalibrate the situation because I knew exactly what their reactions meant. The look on Tyler’s face told me everything I needed to know: that Mario didn’t have a good relationship with his kids, that he had probably disappointed them in the past (what parent is perfect, though), and that they were just waiting for their opportunity to pick the next fight. I had seen it with some of the other sugar daddies I had dated in the past. And when the sugar baby is in the room when these kinds of talks go down, well, guess who gets to be the scapegoat?

So, I just took a moment to gather myself in the bathroom. I was ready to go out there and field any accusatory questions and be totally professional and classy. Plus, I had empathy for Mario’s kids. My dad had actually done something similar when I was in my early 20s, and I knew exactly how they felt. But because I had that experience, I also knew that it was something that you learned to live with. Over time, I saw that my dad was happy, and I was able to be happy for him.

When Mario knocked so hard on the door, though, I did realize that maybe this was going to be more combative than I anticipated. He told me we were leaving, and at first, I thought, “Okay, fine. We’ll try this another time.”

But once we were getting buckled into the car, I actually got kind of worried about Mario driving in such an angry state. I lied and told him that I had left something inside and I would go get it while he waited for me here.

“I’m not letting you go back in there by yourself,” he said. Deep down, Mario’s a sweet guy. But I was firm.

“Trust me,” I told him. “I know what I’m doing. I’ll be back in just a second.”

Samantha, daughter, 31

When I saw Carie walking back up the driveway, I frantically waved my arm towards Tyler to get his attention, and he ended up spilling his beer down the front of his shirt.

“What the hell?” he said and then saw what I saw.

“She must have forgotten something,” he said, nonchalantly.

“Go back to the backyard, I want to talk to her alone,” I told him. We shared a look that said, “Don’t you dare start some drama,” and my response was, “Don’t be so dramatic.” And then Tyler made his way back to the BBQ.

There was no pretending that I hadn’t been watching them walk away. Carie and I had made eye contact through the window on the side of the front door. So, I opened the door in anticipation of her walking up the steps.

I kept myself from saying something catty, and she put on a forced, albeit slightly disarming, smile.

“I told your dad that I left something, but I was wondering if we could just have a quick chat before we go.”

“Sure,” I said, more sarcastically than I wanted to, and swung the door wider to let her into the mudroom. I forced myself to stay quiet so that she could start.

To my surprise, the next ten minutes would completely change my mind about Carie.

Tyler, son, 28

When Samantha sent me back to the BBQ, I made my way over to my wife, who was carrying my newborn niece and following our two-year-old around the backyard. She gave me a wide-eyed look that said, “Well, tell me everything.” And I started to unload the gossip on her.

But, before I could finish, my wife looked over my shoulder at the back door, where, to my shock, Carie was emerging with a tray full of drinks. Samantha was holding the door for her. My dad was following in the rear, looking confused and still a little angry. But also, maybe, kind of relieved.

“I thought you said they left,” she whispered. I could only shrug.

Carie and my dad went over to where the rest of the party was congregating around the food table, and Samantha made her way over to me. My wife passed my niece back to my sister, and Samantha kissed her baby on the forehead before turning to me.

“Look, we’ll talk more about it after everyone’s gone, but she’s actually not bad. It’s weird; the situation is absolutely weird, and I don’t really get it. But, I got the sense that she’s genuine. She almost seems more mature than him.”

“You got that sense in five minutes?” I pretended to knock on the top of her head and said, “Is my sister in there? Hello?”

She swatted my hand away and laughed.

“Okay, she said one thing that really got me, okay? She said that she could tell that things are probably weird between our dad and us. And she gets it because she also had a difficult relationship with her dad. But, she said that, I don’t know, maybe she can help, like, translate some things between him and us. Not mediate or anything like that. Just kind of bridge the gap. She said she doesn’t want to take sides, and she knows that this is between him and us. But she sees things from everyone’s perspective, and she’s just interested in keeping the peace.”

Samantha looked down at her baby, and her voice softened.

“Our dad is always going to do things that we don’t agree with,” she said, “but I think a little bit of peace would be nice.”

There wasn’t really any arguing with Samantha on that point. My wife had also said that it was about time to get over our own problems with our dad and let him be a new version of himself, especially for the grandkids. And if that new version came with Carie, who seemed to actually enjoy spending time with our dad and us, well, then so be it.

We’ll figure out a way to explain the age gap thing when the kids are older. We’ve still got time.