Exploring Polyamory: Expanding Our Sugar Relationship Beyond Two

Polyamory is becoming more common all the time, but that doesn’t mean that it’s always easy, fun, or without its awkward moments! Let’s meet Owen, Jules, and Ricky, three members of a polyamorous sugar relationship who have some advice about how they expanded the relationship.

Owen, sugar daddy

What made you want to pursue a polyamorous sugar relationship?

I was really happy with the sugar baby that I had been seeing for about 8 months, Jules, but there were just some gaps in the relationship that were causing problems for us. Jules wasn’t available for travel, for instance, and I wanted someone who could join me on my work trips and attend out-of-town conferences with me. I was doing everything I could to convince her to come with me (hire a babysitter, double her allowance, arrange her flights, etc.), but eventually she suggested that we should open up the relationship to a third. That’s when we found Ricky.

How did you and Jules define what the relationship would look like with Ricky?

We honestly had kind of a brainstorming session to talk about what polyamory would look like for us. I had always kind of wanted to bring in a third, at least in the bedroom, but Jules wanted something more established. Jules is more practical in that sense. She wanted a third who could, like I said, travel with me. But also someone who could be available for a date last-minute if she needed to cancel, and could even join us for certain work events because she was kind of tired of being a plus one while I spent the evening networking. I was pretty surprised at what Jules was envisioning. It was much more “polyamorous relationship” than a “threesome.” And, I was on board, I was willing to try.

What was the transition like for you and Jules?

Like I said, Jules is really practical, and she wanted to vet anyone that I was thinking of bringing into the relationship. And, hey, she rejected a few women before we met Ricky! That was kind of a bumpy moment between us, but then, things clicked into place with Ricky. We both got along with her really well, and things got a lot easier after the first date with all of us together.

Riley, sugar baby

What did you think about being part of a polyamorous sugar relationship when you first met Owen?

To be completely honest, I was a little taken aback by the setup. I have friends who are in polyamorous relationships. And I have friends who are sugar babies. And I had never heard of those two worlds overlapping before I met Owen. But then, when he explained that Jules and I would have our own kind of role to play in the relationship and could even cover for each other and have dates as a threesome, I thought I might as well give it a try. But yeah, I won’t say that I had very high expectations. Now I’m glad I did it, of course!

What is your relationship like with Jules?

I was so intimidated by Jules when I first met her. I mean, she’s gorgeous. She’s poised and classy. And she’s absolutely no-nonsense. Like, at first, I couldn’t believe that she was letting this guy talk her into opening up their relationship. And then it all made sense when they told me that it was actually Jules’s idea. I was like, yeah, if this was her idea, it’s going to work. I’m in.

Jules and I are very different people, but we get along well. We text each other the same way you would text a roommate to be like, “this bill is due, someone needs to vacuum," but instead we’re telling each other things like, “Owen wanted me to remind you of that work mixer this weekend,” or “Do you know Owen’s shirt size? I’m going to surprise him.” It’s unconventional, but it works for us.

What’s your favorite thing about being in a poly sugar relationship?

Being in a poly sugar relationship is a lot less pressure! When you’re a guy’s only sugar baby, it’s a lot. You have to be there for him; make sure your schedules align and be on your game at all times. But when there’s a whole other sugar baby around to take some of that responsibility, it does make it a whole lot easier. I don’t think I would like it as much with every sugar daddy or other sugar babies, but it works for our dynamic.

Jules, sugar baby

Owen mentioned that you have boundaries for your relationship. What are some of your “rules” for polyamorous sugar dating?

“Rules” doesn’t make me sound like the most fun person, but yes, I think polyamory does need some guidelines. I remember telling Owen that it would be important that we always be open about the scheduling and make it as equal as possible. I don’t consider myself a very jealous person, but I didn’t want to feel like I was going to be pushed out by someone new. And then, there were some practical considerations that we had to talk about: things like STD protection, privacy, what we would do if we were on a three-person date and ran into someone we knew, things like that.

I also wanted to have some guidelines with Ricky, too. If the two of us were together, I didn’t want to complain about Owen or talk about my private life. I kind of wanted to keep that relationship friendly-professional, if that makes sense.

What do you think are some things you, Owen, and Ricky have done right in your relationship?

We’ve been in a poly relationship for going on two years, so we’re obviously doing something right! But, I don’t think there’s really a secret to it. It’s just making sure that we talk about problems as they come up so they don’t fester. We make time for each other. Ricky and I have good communication, and we genuinely respect one another. Owen’s been great about keeping up with gifts and date planning, so we both feel appreciated.

Oh, and as much as we all get along, I think it’s important that we all have time away from each other every once in a while. That has been good for us, for sure.

What is some advice that you would give to other people thinking about having a polyamorous sugar relationship?

I think I would say, get really clear about what is appealing to you about opening up your relationship. Is it just the intimacy part? Okay, cool, you can do that without taking on the responsibility of a whole other long-term partner who is going to want their own allowance and all of that.

Or, do you want a polyamorous relationship that’s going to be more effort and time, and money, but can also have a lot of benefits for you and your partner? Being poly can be a way to meet all of your needs without relying on just one person. For instance, one sugar baby can be there to help you work through emotional stuff, another one can be the fun one, and so on. But everyone’s got to be respected and valued for the role they play. That’s what makes it a team

Question for Owen, Ricky, and Jules: Would you ever consider taking on a fourth?

[Laughter from all] Owen: I don’t think that my financial advisor would be pleased with me if I did that. But, no, in all seriousness, I’m happy with what we’ve got. I think adding another personality and schedule to the mix would be chaos for us. I know it could work for some people, but we’re good with what we’ve got going.